Updated: Jan 21
Self-validation isn’t easy. Honestly, this is one concept I struggle with more than any other… Especially when things seem to start going wrong all over the place. My immediate response is to go into self-blame. I’ve done a lot of personal healing work on this, re-training my brain to at least attempt self-validation; but it’s a pattern that hasn’t completely gone away yet.
Last week, I got caught in the self-blame loop again. Windshield cracked? Hip popped out of place? Scraped my finger on a door? Cramps? “Something has GOT to be wrong with me.”
That’s, at least, how my brain responded.
So when I sat in a team meeting on Thursday feeling all self-blamey and our group assignment for the day was to validate our fellow co-workers, I was grateful for a chance to put my mean, internal dialogue on pause. In that meeting, I replaced self-blame with gratitude for all the amazing people I work with. We didn’t have a lot of time, so I scribbled paragraphs of validation as fast as I could — giving as much detail and as many heartfelt compliments as I could in the time allotted.
By the end of it, I felt like a new person. I didn’t even need to read the compliments my coworkers gave me to feel revitalized. I had broken the self-blame pattern by validating other people in my life.
If you struggle with self-validation, self-appreciation, or self-compliments like I do, try validating those around you. The more detailed or specific you can be the better, but even a small compliment to someone else can go a long way: for them and for you.
PS - another way you can help shift the energy of self-blame is through a visualization meditation. You can read this blog on how to do that for yourself or get some support by joining me for a Guided Group Meditation!* *Guided group meditations are currently on hold. Subscribe to Christina's email list to be the first to know when these are up and running again.